wonderings of a wanderer

I don't quite have a full blog decided on so I will just write a few of the many ideas I have flowing around my mind these days. These will be completely undeveloped thoughts but I think an insight into what someone is thinking about can be just as informative as what they say.

-Year two has begun, the new community has unpacked and is getting settled into their lives and work here. Its a bit strange, or was at first, to be in a place that I call home, in a country once foreign but now comforting with people though, who are new. Much of my first year was spent asking questions to Pat and Emily about what they have learned, what the meaning of certain cultural norms, how to properly express something in Kriole etc... and those are the questions being asked of me. Funny, after being here a year, I feel like I know so little... but compared to Jeremy, Al, and Kathleen my 13 months of time here is a wealth of knowledge.

- Work is beginning to have regularity again as the school year begins. Despite working in the Parish , my work is primarily with schools so when schools out it makes work less consistent content wise. I have 30 retreats between October 1 and December 1! So I think the next few months are going to fly by when the intensity picks up.

-Feeling really good about being disconnected recently. The distance from Belize isn't that far from the States though at times it can feel like the other side of the world. But recently I have been really appreciating the fact I don't have a cell phone, shaky Internet access, and starting this summer, No facebook account. The seeming "lack" has created for me a really nice use of time. Spending more time reading,contemplating, praying and swimming is how I spend my free time. (not saying boredom isn't present at times, but rather, how I choose to deal with that is different)

-Time left vs. time here. It has come to my attention recently that the months I have been in-country has exceeded the time I have left. Which from the outside may seem like nothing note worthy but for whatever reason this feels like a huge, scary, accomplishment. Next week will mark my 13th month in Belize, it will also signify that I only have 9 months left. (9 months you're saying, that's so long!) But to someone who will be gone for 23 months, 9 is not very long. I don't want to give the impression that I am pining away to go home, quite the opposite. But the main reason that is on my mind is because I have been scheduling all my retreats from now until Christmas, so seeing December on my planner is scary.

-Gratitude in a variety of forms:I feel really appreciative of Ally, my friend who I met this summer who worked at an environmental NGO in PG, who just sent me some cookies and bomb dandelion tea. Which makes me grateful for all the other stuff that's been going on in my life. (Gratitude has a way of multiplying itself once you start to pay attention). Feeling grateful for my brother, Nick, who constantly goes out of his work day to help me with little things that are much harder to do from Belize (contact people, or send faxes for example). In turn, feeling really thankful for all the people who are supportive of my work and time in Belize, who send me a little love in the mail, or shoot me an email to let me know I am being thought of. For someone on the receiving end of all these blessings it makes my day that much brighter.

-Wondering if I will be able to work on Spanish in the remaining 9 months. Self teaching has never really been my thing (the exception being the pogo stick in 5th grade). I have a textbook from 1989 and I am hoping for the best, haha. I hope to make my way back to El Salvador this year so by hook or by crook I'll get by.

- Looking forward to getting engaged in activist work when I get home. Recognizing my own limitations as a foreigner here and respecting my role as a volunteer. Here to accompany the people of Toledo on their journey, bearing witness to their struggle but not here to work for structural change. That has to come from the Belizeans themselves, if I did that, it would be just as oppressive as those aspects I want to change. The struggle must come from the roots. Being in a place where I can not get political helps me appreciate the power I will have when I get home.

-Smiling as I realized this morning at the All Teacher Mass and Meeting to start the school year I knew every single person in the church, about 200 people, and everyone of them knew my name, despite most of the teachers living and working in remote villages. It was one of those moments reminding me of how cool it is to be here... here is a group of 200 teachers, that teach in nearly every single school in the Toledo district and they all smile and greet me by name. An unofficial signifier in my mind, that I have been here a year.

Please excuse my ramblings. I'd love to hear what each of you are thinking about these days.

Namaste-
Matty

"Give your hands to serve, and your heart to love"- Mother Teresa
(yesterday would have been Mother Teresa's 100th birthday)