I have attempted to write three separate blog entries this week, and deleted each one shortly after beginning. Let me spell out how I am feeling about this blog.
I am in my second year, so blogging has become more of a burden than something I like.
On the one hand I feel obliged to continue with my musings and points of interest about Belize, what I am up to etc. People at home enjoy it.
But on the other hand, I don't feel that I should have to blog because others enjoy it. Something about blogging takes me away the present as I attempt to have interesting stories about my life, or more generally, about Belize. I am invested and involved in work and my community more than ever, so to try and sum that up is more challenging, and there is, indeed, something a bit fake about it..
Since being in Belize, and removed from America, I have made a concerted effort to increase the intentionality of my communication with others. I have written many more letters in these 15 months than I ever have before in my life, I deleted Facebook, I write sincere emails, and have one pretty cool postcard relationship (thanks b. knapp!). That being said, I am happy to share myself and what it means to be a foreigner in a small, forgotten country as I attempt to accompany the beautiful people of Belize, but I am not sure blogging is the best way for me to do that.
I am sure this all sounds like I have gone off the deep end, so I apologize for those who check this regularly, but I also hope that my sense of gratitude and happiness, which has increased tremendously in year two, is apparent. I feel quite alive. I feel I am part of PG and PG is part of me. I have people who love me, inspire me and teach me everyday. Yes, I am a short term volunteer, but I also feel like I have intimate friendships with those I encounter in my day to day. Being in Belize still knocks my socks off at times, what a special place this is, but on the other hand, after being gone for so long, this is also regular life for me. So blogging is a bit weird to write about my daily life. (I think that last sentence made more sense in my head, rather than when I typed it out haha)
The recognition that my time here is not forever is also becoming apparent. Especially in this holiday season in Belize.... suddenly beginning "my lasts" (Garifuna Settlement day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc) . So that being said, I plan on actually being here... rather than worrying/ attempting to recreate my life here for those who read my blog.
I sincerely hope you are all well and are blown away by moments of joy and gratitude in your own lives.
with love,
Matt
* I may update later in my time but for now, this will be it.
